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Conan O'Brien hates my country...
coupla gems for some work-procrastination

Afghanistan
The bad news is, there's a new article about everyone farming opium.
The good news is, you can't read.
Albania
The perfect getaway for people who love Kosovo, but hate the working phone service.
Bahrain
A thriving centre of trade and culture... until 2000 BC!
Belarus
Clay, sand, and chalk: Your richest natural resources are what a toddler throws up after a big day at preschool.
Belgium
The only European country to never successfully invade Belgium.
Botswana
Diamonds are forever; too bad your people check out at 35.
Burkina Faso
In the traditional tribal language, that's Burkina for "land of" and Faso for "people who want to get the hell out of Burkina Faso."
Burma
The bad news is, you've got rampant malaria. The good news is, it doesn't stop the kids from making those shirts.
Burundi
All that coffee in a country with no reason to wake up.
Cambodia
How many temples does it take before you guys realize God isn't listening?
Canada
With massive overpopulation threatening the globe, Canadians maintain a population of less than 35 million. How do they do it? Zero sex appeal!
China
If you're gonna be in prison, it might as well be for no reason.
Democratic Republic of Congo
Where even a poor boy with no prospects can grow up to be run over by a presidential motorcade.
Cote D'Ivoire
Cocoa, sugar, and mass killings. Are you a country or a Willy Wonka nightmare?
Djibouti
Imagine how great life would be if you had the rich natural resources of Ethiopia.
Dominican Republic
The perfect place for anyone who's ever asked themself "Where'd my car go?"
East Timor
It takes a lot to admit you live on the bad side of Timor.
Ethiopia
I can't do this one, let's move on.
France
You gave us the term "deja vu," as in "Wow, I have this weird feeling you've been obnoxious and arrogant before. Deja vu!"
(Wait a miniute, this is France, so I think I can't do just one.)
France
Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Gauguin, Manet: You're number one when it comes to great minds that died of syphillis.
Germany
The great 20th-century power that said, "Ditch Einstein, get Hasselhoff."
Guyana
The Eskimos have sixty words for "snow." The Guyanans have eighty words for "dysentery."
Iceland
I'm amazed you don't have a military. How do you protect your 85,000 square miles of uninhabitable land?
India
A nation so richly diverse, you can walk into a single neighborhood and find cholera, dengue fever, malaria, typhoid, and plague.
Iran
Just two more years 'til you have a nuclear warhead, and two years and a day 'til you use it on a woman holding a beer.
Ireland
You know, there's a wonderful old Irish legend that goes something like this: Once upon a time, many years ago, there was an Irishman who could hold down a job.
Japan
Last century, you brutally defeated China and Russia. This century, you make Hello Kitty toasters.
Luxembourg
Come visit our country, but make sure you also have an afternoon activity.
Malta
Brimming with culture, history, and mustachioed Sicilian hookers.
Marshall Islands
To write a joke about your country, we Googled it. No results were found.
Monaco
Where Eurotrash goes to gamble away their facelift money.
Mongolia
Where Chinese freedom meets Siberian comfort.
Nepal
Home to eight of the world's highest peaks; nine if you count your unemployment rate.
The Netherlands
Congratulations, you've turned 500 years of culture into a pot joke.
Nicaragua
Come learn about the heritage of your nanny.
Nigeria
Where children come first... in the draft.
Panama
Congratulations, you have the second-busiest canal after Paris Hilton.
Philippines
Mi casa es su landfill.
Romania
Come see our museum of the Middle Ages. We call it "Romania."
Russia
The perfect marriage of rampant corruption and tacky track suits.