i'll be here in 18 hours...
staying at the century hyatt shinjuku and very excited but COME VISIT ME PLEASE! seeing as to how i don't speak japanese and/or have many friends there and/or am too chubs to get taken on nice dates by japanese men, i will possibly be eating ramen by myself in the hotel room on weekends.
btw, check out the airport limousine logo...lol so awesome.
fascinating
Franca Pezzoni, Giacinto Buscaglia - Psychiatrists
The Internet is a complex phenomenon that does not lend itself
to an all-inclusive interpretation. Its main feature is exactly the fact
that it allows the expression of a wide range of human interests. There
is no aspect of life that is not in some way represented in its fertile
and "indeterminate" universe.
So we want to clarify that our reading is absolutely partial and it
has arisen from observing several contact points, several striking analogies
between this modern phenomenon and others that are placed in a very different
and ancient time.
We refer to the orgiastic rites and specially to Dionysian rites and
to all the phenomena connected to the cult of Dionysus in the Classical
and Hellenistic age.
At the risk of appearing schematic, we intend to briefly describe the
two phenomena, ancient and modern, and then examine analogies and differences
in detail.
In our opinion the analogies are so relevant that it's worthwhile bringing
them to your attention.
The Internet
The Internet presents a really blatant and resounding contrast
between a hypertecnological and modern network on the one hand and the
emergence of deep, archaic and not very "rational" emotions on the other.
The Internet arose for military aims. Originally, it was called Arpanet
and connected American military structures.
If this is the origin, the development and the diffusion it has all
over the world are connected for completely different reasons, which are
more related to instinct than to technology and rationality.
One of the most widespread Internet phenomena is represented by the
"chats", virtual communities, where thousands of people meet "on line",
that is to say in real time, and communicate through the net.
Textual and graphic "chats" exist.
In the former, communication takes place through written messages that
can be sent to single interlocutors or to groups of people who meet in
virtual places called "channels". Every user joins the chat through a nickname
that identifies him.
In the graphic chats a "real" virtual setting appears on the screen,
made up of places where the users move and are represented by personalized
graphic symbols, called "avatar", a word deriving from Oriental religions
and that means "embodiment or manifestation of the divinity".
Avatars consist of images, drawings, icons used by the participants
to represent themselves.
In these kinds of chat an illusion of movement, space and physicality
is created.
In such a context, a series of quite peculiar phenomena emerge.
For example, in the Internet not only in the chats but also in the
newsgroups and in the mailing lists -so-called "flame wars" occur; these
are characterized by furious, long-lasting quarrels and denote the onset
of uncontrolled, archaic emotions. Apparently, this type of behavior is
produced by the kind of communication taking place in the Internet and
even involves who appear to be sensible and well-balanced people in real
life. In this respect, it is not unusual to run into inflamed disputes
with reciprocal insults and paranoid ideas between respectable professionals
who let themselves go with obscene language and personal offence.
Besides aggressiveness, often expressed in an unrestrained way, other
deep emotions arise from using Internet and chats, like, for example, emotions
connected with sexuality.
The most obvious and well-known expression is cybersex, sexual intercourse
with on-line users. In any case in Internet sexuality is often explicitly
expressed, frequently without considering social conventions and a sense
of modesty.
Some people believe that there are easily identifiable conditions at
the root of this phenomenon, which will be described by studying the analogies
with ancient rites.
Dionysian rites
However difficult it may be, we will try to give a brief definition
of Dionysus and its rites, pointing out that they were not the only orgiastic
rites of ancient time, but definitely the most well-known.
Maybe the main feature of Dionysus is elusiveness. Scholars considered
him from then on as the god of vegetation, of damp elements, and only later
of wine; of the invasion of the divine into the everyday; of perpetually
recurring life; of joy, of pain, of madness and the absurd.
In fact, these various elements, apparently unconnected, seem to be
linked to a sort of religious and cultural associative chain. Originally,
Dionysus seems to have been the god of shrub vegetation, that is of plants
like the fig tree, vine, almond tree, which give fruits but not through
the laborious work in the fields, which brings joy through the lifeblood.
In this sense Dionysus is connected to a whole series of celebrations during
winter and spring, where not only nature's reawakening was celebrated,
but also the opening of the earth and the return of the spirits of the
dead.
During these celebrations, they carried wooden phalluses in procession,
they celebrated the marriage of the god to the wife of the archon or head
king, they carried masks that copied the spirits of the dead.
In this sense, the joy given by the wine and the fall of limits was
intrinsically accompanied by the worrying fall of boundaries between the
world of the living and the world of the dead, between reality and madness.
There are two faces to unrestraint - euphoric and worrying, cheerful and
insane. The masks of Dionysian celebrations gave forth to theatre, another
great phenomenon, linked to the god, distinguished by illusiveness.
Dionysus represents diversity, the other one who inevitably lives itself,
is the place of the biggest contradictions - identity and diversity, presence
and absence, imaginary and real, absolute and nothing, power and fragility,
life and death, identity and passage. Since he unites the most untenable
contradictions in himself at the same time, he really is the mad god par
excellence.
Rites were celebrated in the mountains, at night, in the torchlight.
They played musical instruments, which induced excitement: drums, flutes.
The faithful, especially women, wore masks, danced round and round, shaking
their heads, dressed in animal skins (both as prey such as the fawn, and
as hunters such as the panther).
At the height of the excitement, they threw themselves on the sacrificial
animals, tore them to pieces and ate them raw.
Analogies
Now let's try to describe the most obvious analogies.
1) Limitation of sensorial experience and specific features
of communication
The description made by an author of the environment in which
the netsurfer is plunged is evocative:
"You sit almost motionless, relaxed, your eyes focused on a glowing
screen - the only source of light in an otherwise dark room. Your fingers
tap lightly as your mind converges on the words and images that float before
you. At times it seems like there is no difference between your thoughts
and those images.
At times it seems the distinction between inner and outer worlds almost
disappears. At times, time itself evaporates. You are a computer user immersed
in cyberspace. All melts into a new reality that transcends the rules of
conventional reality. Like a Zen master in meditation, you have become
one with the virtual universe".
Communication occurs in writing, without seeing the others. The whole
non-verbal communication is missing, substituted by the so-called "fancines",
symbols made up from the characters of the keyboard, which represent smiling,
sad, amazed, mute "fancine":
8-X :-X
In chat there is a lag in communication, given by the time necessary
to type the message and by the number of communications the user is engaged
in. These asynchronies in communication stimulate projected experiences,
fantasies that some people have compared to the situation that is created
in the psychoanalytic setting.
In ancient times the limitations of sensorial experience were obtained
by celebrating the rites at night, by torchlight, in isolated places, and
above all by going away from the normal habitat, from relatives and from
work activities.
They used rudimentary instruments to create the same situation of using
a single source of light to attract attention in totally dark surroundings.
2) Identity Flexibility and Anonymity
Chat users are anonymous and use nicknames or avatars.
Anonymity makes it possible to express parts of ourselves that are
usually hidden or repressed in real life.
The use of female pseudonyms by males is frequent, as is assuming sexual
roles that are different from the real thing.
Anonymity means the user considers the other user not as another person
but, in a certain sense as a part of his own inner word.
In ancient rites anonymity was obtained partly by separation from the
familiar environment, and partly by using two kinds of disguises, masks
or animal skins. One of the main components of the cult was men disguising
themselves in women's clothes, beginning with the god himself.
In "Bacchants", Penteus, who is the most rational opponent of Dionysus,
begins to show the first marks of madness just when he decides to disguise
himself as a woman, apparently to better spy on the scandalous rites.
We were amazed by the use of the term "avatar" that has a clear religious
origin in Internet.
In fact, the faithful of the ancient rite didn't disguise themselves
generically, but took on the identity of mythical characters, like satires,
and somehow took part in divinity, achieving a state of exaltation.
This was not simple anonymity, but rather the assumption of a new identity
in a group situation.
3) Equalization of the Social Status
In Internet every user can express himself independently of what
role he has in reality. What counts is how he/she presents himself and
acts on the net.
Someone defined this aspect of the Internet as "net democracy".
Everyone could take part in Dionysian rites, whether they were a slave
or free, young or old, man or woman. In theatre too, strongly connected
to the rite of Dionysus, access was free and without divisions between
the different social categories. It is useful to emphasize how great the
subverting was given the severity of the social divisions at that time
compared to now.
4) Stretching of Temporal and Spatial Boundaries
The common temporal and spatial coordinates are altered in Internet's
virtual universe. In chats, it is possible to communicate on line with
people who live in different places and time zones. A Japanese person from
Osaka who has just got up can converse with an Italian in Rome who is about
to go to bed.
In the absence of technical instruments, in ancient time the representation
of mythical events from the past on stage in the theatre and in the Dionysian
procession gave the illusion of overcoming temporal boundaries, linking
past and present.
5) Alteration in the state of consciousness
"Under the right conditions, cyberspace becomes a dream world,
not unlike the world which emerges when we sink into sleep.
This doesn't mean that these virtual experiences should be dismissed
as whimsical mental meanderings with no value or purpose. Quite the contrary.
Psychology clearly has established the necessity of nocturnal dreams for
maintaining emotional health and promoting personal growth. The same may
be true of virtual dreaming. Cyberspace is not simply an "information super-highway,"
It can offer the human psyche much more than facts. Virtual space can flex
the boundaries of conscious and unconscious realities. It can tell us something
about the meaning of "real." "
In the rite, alteration in the state of consciousness was achieved
through wine and the use of specific drugs, by rhythmic, deafening music,
by dancing, by running, practiced until exhaustion.
6) Access to Numerous Relationships
With regard to ancient rites, their character as group ceremonies should
be stressed. Religious exaltation was not reached in a status of individual
ecstasy, like in the Christian religion for example. The characteristic
of the Dionysian cult was to reunite people connected by some kind of affinity,
almost as a sect, whereas the other cults were practiced under state control
by the whole population, without special distinctions.
In the "chattic" rites, the modern faithful gather in different channels,
according to common interests and special affinities.
On this subject, it is useful to notice the stunned comment of a user:
"Everywhere I go in cyberspace, I keep running into the same kind of people!"
7) Addiction
The above considerations explain why it is not rare for Internet
use to lead to addiction. Many cases are already quoted in scientific literature.
The case of a young man who stayed connected to the Internet for three
days running without a break is from this period.
Something like this can be described as far as the Dionysian rites
and the theatre that arises from them are concerned.
Lucianus tells the story of an addiction to the theatre. The citizens
of Abdera lose their judgment after a performance of Andromeda by Euripides.
It was summer; after the performance, they were taken by a high fever,
which turned into in hemorrhaging and sweating after seven days. Then they
began to invent tragedies, speak in verses, scream and sing. The whole
town was full of these pale, emaciated playwrights, until winter and the
intense cold stopped everything. Andromeda had taken hold of their minds
and Perseus was in the spirit of everyone.
From what we can deduce from this description, it was literally a form
of being possessed by demon entities like Medusa, which had affected the
audience.
8) Proselytism and epidemics
In Internet, proselytism is testified by its rapid spread. It
is absolutely impossible to make a census of the net, because the amount
of users increases continuously, also because of a sort of "evangelism".
Dionysus was the only god who had a form of proselytism, unlike all
the others.
Both in the mythical age and in the historical one, missionaries who
tried to spread the Dionysian cult are described.
Maybe its main feature was that it was epidemic.
According to scholars from the last century, Dionysus took no part
in Greek rationality and he was the carrier of a type of madness interpreted
in medical terms as collective hysteria.
The scholars believed he was foreign, that he came from barbarian countries,
but Myceneun archives proved that from XII century BC, he was a Greek god.
The epidemics consisted of sudden madness. It especially hit women
and led them to leave the cities.
9) Transgression
In the case of the Dionysian rites, the goal of transgression
was to overcome the Greek religion's main cornerstone, the impassable distinction
between man and god, the bronze sky (as Pindarus says), which separates
mortals from immortals and that it is grave ubris to cross. Instead, the
faithful achieved enthusiasm, that is to say the merging with the god that
they felt inside.
The transgression of the Internet faithful can be identified in the
attack on rationality and the limits imposed by the role and by social
conventions.
In both cases, transgression is shown by the expression of aggressiveness,
by using obscene language and above all by overcoming the limits of rational
thought.
For example magic was in force in Dionysian comedy: animals and objects
spoke and acted by their own will or to serve men, without following rational
laws.
10) Opposition
Obviously opposition is linked with all the above forms of transgression.
In Internet there are crowds of net guardians. They take it upon themselves,
with varying perseverance and modes, to ensure that morality and law are
respected, like inflexible censors.
In Internet there are pages and pages of methods to unmask impostors
and defend yourself from immoral, improper or criminal behavior.
The list of the opponents to the Dionysian cult is impressive and the
punishments received by those who oppose it are even more disturbing.
Things are not much better for those who embrace it but the difficulties
faced are worse for those who do not embrace it.
The punishment for opponents is represented by the impious and cruel
form of what the guilty do not want to do in the pious form prescribed
by the god.
The daughters of King Minia refuse to follow Dionysus, because they
want to continue to work on the loom with excessive zeal and they don't
want to leave their marital lives. They have hallucinations, see their
work instruments covered in ivy. They go crazy and draw lots to choose
which son to devour.
The pirates who kidnap Dionysus for a ransom see him turn into a bear
and into a lion, without lifting a finger, limiting himself to a smile.
Terrified, they throw themselves into the sea and turn into dolphins.
In another case, god's punishment is represented by a suicide epidemic
among Athenian teenagers.
In several cities, Dionysus was represented by a double statue, with
two identical pictures representing the Mad and the Healer of the madness.
The only way to recover from divine foolishness was to live with it and
be reconciled to it, not to get rid of it through exorcism.
One well-known opponent is Pentheus, Dionysus's cousin and opponent.
He wants to retain his manly manners and lucidity. In order to watch the
orgies unseen, that are not as obscene as he believes, Pentheus lets Dionysus
disguise him as a woman, goes to the mountain, but is spotted and torn
to pieces by his mother, who has gone mad and mistakes him for a wild beast.
On this occasion the observer not only alters the phenomenon being
observed, but loses his life too.
Dionysian worship was both painful and orgiastic, as witnessed by songs
of the grape harvest that mourned the splitting of the bunches of grapes
as well as the god's death. Still in 691 AD, farmers cried "Dionysus" as
they pressed the grapes and the Council of Constantinople forbad them to
do so and ordered them to cry "Kyrie eleison" instead. Still in this period
the wine-pressers wore masks that represented Sileni and Satyr. The wine
like shed blood was a fine representation of the joyous and at the same
time cruel character of life itself, more evident in all its most intense
manifestations, when contradictions are clearer and more extreme.
The Dionysian cult was also repressed in Rome. Titus Livius recounts
that the orgiastic rites had spread "like an epidemic" and that the followers
had gathered in secret sects. Thousands of persons were indicted as betrayers
of the country and pedophiles and were executed. The charges seemed to
have been trumped up by the police and the whole episode looks very much
like other witch-hunts.
Here is the speech of the consul Postumus: "Do you think, Quiriti,
that these young men can become good soldiers and defend your wives and
children? They have sworn an obscene oath, have raped children, and have
been raped in turn."
Differences
Before examining the differences between the two phenomena, we
would like to emphasize that they are both interesting and attractive and
we do not express any moral criticism upon them. Let us try to understand
the differences between them, beginning from the most obvious.
On the one hand, the rites were part of a religious, cultural, artistic
world; on the other hand, they had a consistent and organic unity. They
had a beginning and an end, performed a mythological plot, that everyone
knew.
The rite included a growing paroxysm that had a cathartic effect and
ended the rite. The believers were numbed into a post-hypnotic sleep.
The participants knew that during the rite they would lose all sense
of time and space, but within a ritual with well-defined boundaries of
time and space.
The mythological masks worn by the members were limited in number,
codified and shared by the group. The individual could not choose any mask
arbitrarily.
Internet is part of the social context from the technical point of
view, but the phenomena we are examining are inconsistent and casual. They
also lack internal coherence. Anybody can switch on or off at any moment.
There is no plot and everyone can choose a different rite, like in a large
supermarket. The masks (avatars) can belong to every time and context and
we are impressed by their eclecticism.
From this point of view, the other orgiastic phenomena in the modern
world, like discos, soccer matches and rock concerts, are different from
Internet, since they have a defined setting and clear roles like the ancient
rites. In these phenomena, the alteration of the state of awareness is
balanced by stated rules. Similarly, in psychoanalytic sessions the setting
is a necessary accessory for free association.
The phenomena mentioned also remind us of the ancient rites because
they involve a physical expression of feelings; while in Internet there
is a sort of "amputation" of the bodily side of the experience. We observe
that in Internet the users are isolated in their homes and that their group
is merely virtual. In this isolation, the other users are seen as non-human
beings, as internal objects, not as real persons. Being non-human, they
can be sexually and aggressively abused.
The lack of setting, plot and consistency can perhaps explain some
aspects of Internet, such as addiction and delinquent behavior, which are
so hard to control.
For example, people in Internet express pedophilic wishes and fantasies,
feeling protected by anonymity and virtual "unreality", while the same
people would perhaps not act out these drives in reality.
Users can risk losing their identity and become prisoners of their
masks, like Pirandello's Henry the Fourth. This character takes part in
a carnival cavalcade, where everybody wears disparate masks, goes mad,
is no longer able to recover his past identity and spends twenty years
out of reality.
Many articles about Internet describe delinquent behavior and
methods to repress it.
As mentioned above, guardians are appointed to prevent and punish such
behavior, especially by teenagers.
It is worth nothing that many of these activities were performed during
orgiastic rites (phallic exhibitionism, obscene language, harsh derision,
use of masks in order to disguise oneself and commit forbidden acts). However,
they had an assured place and were not only allowed but also prescribed.
All through ancient times, the authorities never persecuted orgiastic rites,
with the exception of the episode reported by Titus Livius. They were allowed
in the Alexandrian period and in the Roman Empire, that is to say under
despotic governments.
Another difference is the role assigned to religion and sacred things.
In Internet, so secular and rational at its beginnings, the sacred dimension
was kept out but has come back in an indirect way.
One of the places of the Palace, a graphic chat line, is called Ades.
The participant-observer wears the mask of Hercules taming Cerberus. Masks
are called avatars, i.e. manifestations of gods. The feeling of being a
god and creating one's own identity is often described.
Initiation ceremonies were common in ancient rites; in the Palace there
is a passage from being a guest to becoming a member and then a secret
ceremony to become a wizard.
We would like to end by quoting an interview with Jim Bumgardner, the
creator of the Palace.
"I first met Jim up at Nrutas, the room at the Palace Mansion that
looks like the surface of a moon orbiting Saturn. I was hovering up among
the stars, while jbum was down on the surface of the moon, apparently whispering
to one of the wizards.
"Jbum, the Palace is great. Nice work!" I said.
"Thanks, AsKi."
"So jbum, what's it like walking around inside your own creation?
"Like being God, only worse. I don't get to visit any nuns."
I LOLed. Well, I thought, this jbum certainly has wit and a sense of
humor. Later I discovered that Bumgardner is renowned for these attributes.
He's the kind of guy who shows up at Harry's Bar wearing the name and avatar
of the Pope; who is partial to his prop of a 1950s female model wearing
a white dress and playing an accordion..."
How can we not think of some disconcerting and unexpected manifestations
of gods during the Dionysian rites?
i overestimate the music industry.
Pink's new song: U and UR Hand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTMT5B6Fw5s&mode=related&search=
The chorus, I thought:
I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonite
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cuz you know it's over, before it began
Keep your dreams, just give me the Monday
Just you and your hand tonight
Kinda makes sense right? Monday = fresh, renewal, new hope "sans you" I guess.
Then I changed my mind. Should actually be:
Keep your dreams, just give me the mundane
Makes even more sense...don't want to share your dreams, just want my ordinary life back, etc etc. Though I did start wondering what would inspire Pink to use mundane...
This morning I looked it up online, and it's actually:
Keep your drinks, just give me the money
sad.
this place looks awesome...anyone wanna check it out with me??
a hidden new installment in the cultural wasteland that is east midtown, this hip new ultralounge boasts of a private room and a rooftop bar decked out in minimalist decor, offering a sensation of airiness rarely found in the heart of manhattan. the crowd is a refreshing break from the usual flashy meatpacking regulars early in the week, attracted by the late night karaoke on Wednesdays and wine/cheese tastings on Thursdays, though by Friday it begins to populate with the usual crowd of skinny young things in heels and designer jeans accompanied by deep-pocketed ibankers who seduce them with bottles of overpriced vodka. the music leans towards the eclectic, ranging from the latest Beyonce to 90's classics, mostly at the DJ's whim. Saturdays at Meru On Top are increasingly popular as the weather gets balmier, but getting in will take more than luck and a couple of Brazilian model friends; the VIP list is usually kept in the single digits.
$$$-$$$$
Dress code: Yes
Cover: No cover Wed-Thu, $20 Fri-Sat
Door policy: Strict
5 days of alvin, my beloved bro!
sunday, ninja nyc = awesome. look at the gimicky scroll menu...
one ninja crabcake makes for one happy alvin, though he said it tastes like "Filet o'Fish, just expensive."
Sherry, SM and Christina joined!! awesome to have fellow young cougars to say "mmmmm ninja" with me...(that origami bird in SM's dessert was edible!)
check out my gimicky floating sashimi dish.
sunday: alvin got a new wardrobe at that museum of a store, uniqlo (he's attempting a pikachu grin here)
which one of these does not belong...
to up the japanese factor, we ate at that weird restaurant at St Marks Place with the squid and raccoon in the front...
cotton candy! a shameless european tourist took our second one.
the automat was pretty awesome too
mmmm fondue at max brenner!
tuesday was BLT as promised; foie gras and kobe beef burger (oh my)...
and his alcoholic sister is of course downing the cab sauv...
and we saw...a gigantic spiderman. yeahhh random..
as if that wasn't enough death by food, we ate a light dinner at cafe zaiya
ROUND DESSERT!!!
at the Disney store on Fifth Ave...all the Disney animals all ballooned into round things!
wedesnday, DJ treated us to lunch a la google and guitar hero
and for the final blow of alvin's Death By Food...
btw, i saw this in SOHO...a creepy little stuffed pair of jeans. how weird. very flattering pic of my bro here btw
on saturday, a phone convo:
me: hi de, what's up?
alvin: nothing
me: aw do you miss ny yet?
alvin: OMG YEA...HELLA BORING HERE
hehe, mission complete! *grin*
sigh....endless summer...
Life in NY - where to get the best bang for your buck
I've finally come to the realization that in the 120-180 range almost any meal tastes good (though there are some disappointing exceptions...) The truly skilled gourmet should be satisfied only when the pleasure of the fare exceeds the pain of the wallet. Here are some picks more fitting for the first-year analyst (or stringent student) budget:
<$10
Cafe Zaiya (41st between Madison and 5th). For an early dinner you can get delicious pasta ($6) or a beef bowl ($5), then splurge on Beard Papa's cream puffs, all in one place. A one-stop hop for sushi, panwiches (Japanese-style sandwiches), hot dishes, and various pastries.
Pho Viet Huong (Canal between Mulberry and Bayer). $6 gets you a really yummy (and curiously authentic!) Vietnamese meal in the heart of Chinatown. My favourite: vermicelli with beef.
$20-30
Momofuku Ssam Bar (12th and 2nd). A satisfying meal: Momofuku Ssam with kimchee puree ($10) and pork steamed buns ($9) is a gourmet treat .
Lasagna (51st and 2nd). There's really only one thing to note on the menu (and guess what it is). For some reason everything is deliciously satisfying. Over 13 kinds served nightly also means you can satisfy almost any craving, as long as it includes tomato sauce, pasta, and cheese.
<$50
Aburiya Kinnosuke (45th between 2nd and 3rd) - the best (and most fun!) Japanese prix fixe I've had in the States. For 45 bucks you get homemade tofu, a grilled dish, a steamed dish, a tempura dish, sashimi, a rice dish, a soup dish, dessert...quite an improvement from the 5-6 pieces of sushi you can get across the street at Sushi Yasuda for that price...
Blue Ribbon Bakery (Houston and Bedford). For $19 you can enjoy a truly delectable pulled duck sandwich vastly more satisfying than the pretentious fare usually associated with "nouveau american" (the kind that makes you feel slightly cold (and much poorer) inside). For a splurge the bread pudding is famous (make sure to have it come split into the two flavors, banana walnut and chocolate).
on the flipside, here's, IMHO, the expensive restaurant wall of shame. where you go somewhere to splurge, and you splurge...and realize man, that was...useless.
New York
6. Redeye Grill | Horrible, horrible corporate food - the menu is an Americanized concatenation of sushi and "surf and turf." Steaks range at about 30-40 bucks, which indicates that the total bill is about 80...what an effing waste of money. The lobster was barely edible. The peking duck quesadillas taste like fast food. The steak I didn't actually try, but needless to say, I'll probably be turning elsewhere for a bite of red meat elsewhere.
5. Ribot | Great green tea martini, bad food otherwise. Probably one of the only restaurants I've actually just left 80% of my entree at.
4. Esca | I can't figure out how you ruin a plate of vegetables, but the chefs at Esca accomplished it. On top of that, the seafood wasn't fresh, the bread tasted stale, and at the end of the day it was just a waste of nearly $100.
3. Oceana | The service was great at this seafood restaurant, but if I paid you $120 you'd probably be nice to me for 10 minutes too. The dessert: beautiful meshed wires of sugar encasing some inedible dollop of chocolate something-or-other. The fish dishes: tasteless. The only saving grace was the gigantic wine selection, but again, if I paid you $120 I'm sure you could come up with a decent bottle of wine somewhere.
2. Osteria del Circo | If there's one pet peeve of mine, it's bad dessert - and this place ranks amongst the worst. The ladyfingers dipped in rum taste more alcoholic than the average cosmopolitan. Which is great if you're looking to get drunk, but isn't that what bars are for?
1. Olives | After it had been hyped up so much by Karen I thought it would be a treat, but au contraire...the food was awful, over-buttered and bland at the same time (how is that possible?!) The service was worse. Basically, if you're under 50 you'll get no love. But who cares - I'm most definitely never showing my face there ever again.
so i turned 23 last week, which turned out to be a lot bigger deal than i thought. at some point in the week that Craig David song Seven Days (remember from high school??) definitely came to mind:
I met this girl on Monday (nothing happened. the lull before the storm)
took her for a drink on Tuesday:
birthday dinner at Blue Ribbon Cafe with le fabulous roommates...
we were making love by Wednesday:
(ok, not really, but i did have team dinner at buddakan where the food was orgasmically good. who needs men when one has food?):
6 glasses and a fantastic meal later, it was my boss's bright idea to head over to the rooftop at gansevoort, where at midnight we toasted to my big 2-3 over ridiculously strong cocktails. he insisted on buying me "something green" (why green? i don't know. maybe it's because i've told him he looks like kermit the frog before). turned out to be an apple martini i didn't need.
at this point the collective team IQ was probably lingering around 12, and with the two additional cocktails we did the stupidest thing possible at that point, which was a foray to Cain. i suppose figuratively speaking, i lost my "meatpacking virginity."
and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday....
The following morning a classic email from the boss:
9:46am
From: GSar
To: ETag, JLi, TDeGv
Hi guys - where are you? I'm at the client site waiting for you in the team room.
-G
and hence i heralded by 23rd year of life by a mad shameful scramble to get to the office while the other associates did the same. simple calculations reveal something like 46 drinks for the 5 of us (i exaggerate not), leading to massive hangovers and reverse productivity ameliorated only by the fact that they were decidedly company-sanctioned. in celebration of our matching headaches for lunch my boss took us to an amazing turkish brasserie called pera. goat cheese does actually do wonders for the young and the inebriated...
then, the requisite going-out-and-party-til-you-drop cuz...i'm a shorty and it was my birthday...a drink at barna (where we saw last season's Bachelor!)
and then, the second night in a row i ended up at cain...but this time with company i could actually let loose with...
Friday: coworkers decided that karaoke was the way to go. after spending an irritated morning shopping for the perfect dress that simply does not exist, i joined sm at pho with a bunch of future physicians and the headed to toto. at 4am we were...where else? still at kunjip. and i didn't even need to be drunk.
Saturday...the big day. A fancy schamcy dining ordeal at Boulud's romantico Daniel was in order since the boy was in town anyway...
service was so good they even brought out a chair for my handbag...geez!
and then where was the party at? Ludo lounge...thank you everyone who showed up! what a grand finale!
the sponsor and me...
mini high school reunion...!!
cheers to get things a-rollin...
that by no means means i stopped drinking...sherry caught me, obviously...
me: schonmei why do you look so pissed?
schonmei: hon, i just look like that.
yayy hot roomies!
mer: i look contorted.
dude, i love this pic
sherry: dj kept on hogging the camera
yeah see there he is again
alex gettin jiggy with it
i wonder what they're laughing about...
oh harvard how i miss thee...(berch is the token white guy here...and he's not even white...)
so much love from the boys on 44th st...
mer loves me...
but ben wanted me back!
we chilled on Sunday...
(craig david knows...i most DEFINITELY needed it!!!)
thank you EVERYONE for making my 23rd a true-to-life over-the-top blast...
<3
pax et caritas
the key to happiness is
to stay afloat the infinite darkness within us
one day at a time.
***
true love, i said, is a patient kind of pain. every year i learn a bit more about the true depths of this monstrosity-every year i uncover, a bit more, the true hardship behind it.
when you love something, it feels somehow encased in your heart; a snowglobe figurine, sacred, impregnable, safely protected from the outside world by unshatterable glass. but the reality is, the object of your love does not exist in fact in your heart; it is in the world with you, weathering the strains and horrors of this windstorm we call life just as you are. And every time you witness this, i think, you die a little death.
i get frustrated watching those silly Asian music videos that have become popular of late, the ones about foolish adolescents committing suicide in the name of love. i hate the incessant messageboards that claim they are "like, so deep" when in fact they are not profound at all, only immature. when you love somebody, anybody, truly and unconditionally, you don't die for them. how silly. it is hardly that easy. when you love somebody, you learn to live for them...a task that is, without dispute, infinitely harder. it is an irreversible condition. you are helplessly tethered by a living chord (like a vein), so that every time you see them in that windstorm, weathering some hardship, your heart stops, just for a second. the pain that they feel is channeled in an instant from their heart to yours, but through this living chord it is magnified. not only are you privy to their pain, you are feeling a thousand more unpleasant emotions that spring suddenly from dusty corners of your soul you did not even know existed - worry, yearning, abhorration, nausea, panic, frenzied protectiveness, and then - the choking, debilitating sensation of sheer futility. you want to wrap your entire body around them and let the slicing jetties of sand flay your own flesh, for anything would be better than this - but you can't, for they exist in the world, living life just as you are, and your arms are not broad enough to protect them. the sheer strain of it will knock the very breath from your lungs and sap the vitality of your limbs, leaving you to stare wide-eyed at the uselessness of those very arms, dangling and worthless. This is how you know you truly love.
ultimately, when you truly love - and i'm not referring to the self-serving, fleeting, and specious "love" you have for Brad Pitt or the cutie next door or even for your respected teacher or sweet friend - it is an ache unlike anything you have ever felt, an ache that is simply pressure in purely somatic terms. your heart hurts, with all the lactic-acid soreness of overexertion (it is, after all, only a glorified muscle).
it is a feeling that you begin to hate (irony aside). it is a suffocating prison from which you wish you could be free. often, selfishness will kick in for a moment and make me wish i could simply refrain from loving anything, anybody, at least not this much - but like i said, it is an irreversible condition.
***
sorry if i depressed you! a tidbit from DJ to stave off that inner darkness...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno
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