August 16, 2006

• union made in facebook heaven

  those of you who are addicted to the stalkbook-i mean, facebook (yes, you) probably noticed that after three years of insistent resistance i've finally caved in and changed my status to "In a relationship." i've even linked it with my longtime electronically estranged significant other, to prove that i'm not making this up (yes, someone IS willing to date me, thank you very much.)

  the penultimate question, though: why does it even matter? it seems so ridiculous. it's not like you aren't actually dating until thefacebook.com has registered you in its hallowed servers. a response i hear a lot: "then why don't you just put it in? are you ashamed of so-and-so?" it's not so much an issue of being proud/ashamed of one's significant other, but really just a simple "i don't really want everyone up in our biznatch" mentality. does anyone else find it bothersome when someone from the Republic of Cubic Zirconia emails you with "oh geez, i'm sorry about your breakup with xxxx, you guys were dating for so long!" before your roommates have even caught wind?

  take the example of the facebook relationship that took my facebook virginity: my marriage to a certain ms. wu (in the tradition of the 10,000 bogus marriages on the facebook- the deafening allure of the phony girl-on-girl.) note: my profile also stated very explicitly: Interested in men. but our sweet, sweet faux union lasted only a couple of weeks before i had to take it off in response to oh...about 8-10 emails, congratulating me on my speedy engagement. i guess "schonmei" might be a sort of ambiguous name if you know absolutely nothing about the chinese language. but come on, if you do...the most common connotations for "mei" = little sister or beautiful. so i'm either lying about my sexual orientation. or engaged to a gay man. or am a man myself? ah...many permutations, 100% improbability.)

  then there's the lovely issue of being able to hurt the other person through selective addition/removal of status...to quote my roommates, "omg, he removed his relationship status to xxxx...it's over!" suddenly, asking someone to be linked to you via online matrimony is almost more serious than the relationship itself; you'd better not break up, or you'll have some serious explaning to do (to the whole world!) never has a website fostered so much drama, i think. except for maybe xanga.

  of course, the cynical ones will pick up on the Twenty-something Girl's Ultimate Dilemma: who wants to be labeled as "attached" when they can enjoy the illusory freedom of being "single" on paper? it's like evading the scarlet letter of T for taken, but enjoying the benefits of a relationship just the same. actually, that's the real reason i finally gave in; sheer weariness of the overprotective "he's mine, back off" vibes i've collected from colleagues/enemies/attached female raccoons over the years. truth be told, i've been dating the same guy for four years in that asexual stupor known as LTR, and are probably as interested in your boyfriend as your mother is (btw, an aside...that term is probably the one term in ten thousand on urbandictionary.com that doesn't have to do with weed, pimps, or disgusting sex acts of an impossible nature...so click with impunity.) i'm probably giving off the pheromones of a sixty-five-year-old whale. give me a couple more years, and i'll start raising cats and getting king-sized hershey bars, so trick-o-treaters will stay longer. anyway, i digress. yes, i am not single.

  now that i've put it up, though, it really does seems like everyone and their mother knows "officially." what's more...if so-and-so doesn't believe the gossip, it can be verified oh-so-easily. i guess if i think about it that way...it really is a big deal.

  ---

  on second thought...it seems appropriate to celebrate this "big moment" with some bachelorette-esque online festivities. hrm, let's see what i have up my sleeve...

  Bachelorette Slideshow

  #1: a picture of a celebrity you'd want to have a "last stand" with.

  

  def. eric bana...oh drool! hrm, maybe i am getting old. well, at least i didn't pick george clooney.

  #2. picture of someone you know you'd want a "last stand" with.

  are you serious? i'm not posting that. that's for me to know and you never to find out. actually, to be honest, my boring self cannot name anyone...for the life of me.
  
  #3. picture of you with hottest ex you've ever had.

  
  haha, i'll admit, he's not really my ex. i don't actually have any exes that are hot. but hey, great photoshopping job eh??

  #4. picture of you as a child

  

  hehehehe...i am le fat...kinda gross looking but endearing all the same huh? my mother used to call me "xiao xiang chang" (because of my sausage arms)

  #5. picture of you all grown up, in sexy attire or lingerie.

  um yes, NICE TRY. do i look like i ever wear sexy attire? let alone lingerie?!

  #6. picture of something you'll have to give up, now that you're not single.

  

  yes, i know...i can't believe we went, either. oh, good times...
  
  #7. picture of "your girls."

  

  oh...good times...amazing times. i miss you guys so much >_<

  
  #8. picture of "his boys."

  

  #9. picture of how you first met...

  
  eating, of course. how else?
  
  #10. picture of the two of you together.

  oh barf...i hate xanga PDA. i also turn out badly in like...every picture we have together. so i'll just end with a statement of our relationship status.

  

  i win!!!!! mwahahahaha!

  • 9:23 pm
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