O Oriens,
splendor lucis aeternae,
et sol justitiae:
veni, et illumina
sedentes in tenebris,
et umbra mortis.
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wah! my stomach hurts...NOT used to eating so much >.< this is sooo uncool.
ok, dinner today my sweeties?
yup, before everyone leaves for their respective trips (joyce --> japan, lisa --> australia, me --> taiwan)
on a contemplative note, been pondering the elusiveness of life (how are we here for such long periods of time? just randomly? how do we deserve it? why are there children who expire but adults who suffer the inertia of survival?) that aside, i really need to buy my psych textbook soon or my mom will murder me.
(and on that note, why are humans so lonely?)
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memory illusive pale shadow
flickering like a rainbow
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ahhhh! almost middle of summer! where has the time gone??
so at the lab, projects are going fairly well...recently figured out nice program that will accelerate our data analysis. whoo! go dendrites! and axons!
lately been losing a lot of weight too...but gained some of it back today because i had a quarter of a muffin. *don't you laugh, a quarter of a muffin is a hell of a lot of fat!*
ok, can't wait to go to taiwan, still saving up for trip to vancouver, what else is new...leave me a message on my chatterbox!
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can't believe summer's almost halfway over! currently excited about: new canon powershot s230 camera. so pimp! i love it
taking pix of alvin because i'm bored...posting them shortly.
(btw, going back to taiwan in august...post some messages if u want to meet me there!!!)
currently 8 lbs lighter ! interested in my new diet? works for all weights. it's called judith's 800 calorie a day diet. (serious, it works, but you need either a.major willpower or b. disgustingly low appetite)
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first day at the lab...cutting the cerebral cortex to razor thin pieces is really awesome! esp. if you use those special knife thingys...(ok, maybe i'm starting to get just a little bit morbid...)
my legs are sore after standing for 7 straight hours! double sigh.
anyway, not much happening over the summer, really...stanford friends still taking finals, so kinda jess chillin'...miss everyone at harvard lots
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ah! first day of...what? work. (yes, depressing) woke up, ate a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats (Harvard should buy this brand, i swear) and am basically sitting here on my bum looking at a screen with matrix glyphs running down in rivulets....
today at 7 is a dessert banquet in Twain Hall (Karen's dorm). ah! want to go. but mom isn't being too flexible...
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Columbia
You've worn all black since you were nine and knew, even as a nine year old living in nowheresville that you were a New Yorker at heart. Well, you wont make it in the big city. I'm sorry tike. Still, have fun while it lasts, because the rumor is, most Columbia students don't.
http://quizilla.com/users/coolhound/quizzes/Which%20Ivy%20League%20University%20is%20right%20for%20YOU%3F/ -
"I don't know the secret to success, but the secret of failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
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oh god, i feel like such crap
*~*~*
true confessions no. 31
I walked by his grave today
thinking of autumn
leaves falling
softly
thinking of autumn
*~*~*
sketches no. 57
o...how could i bear to be anything but barren? how could any self-respecting mother bear to bring to this world a part of her own; a living, breathing, bundle of sin?
from day one, the control of desire will be its preoccupation; before then, it is ethereal, existing only in between life and nether, the sheer breath of God.
and then, upon its first breath of this foul air, a perpetual struggle, a perpetual sin.
the daemon that froths at the mouth is to be pitied, for i have seen...i have seen that look, beneath hissing teeth and limbs weak with atrophy, that it is not greed, nor pride, nor wrath, nor gluttony, nor vainglory-but suffering.
o, i have seen the eyes of the unborn, that are clear, tainted in their first dip into this foul air, sunk into grey depths better left untouched. o, i have seen...in their eyes, when they are consuming food with their downturned eyes, attempting to ignore this grotesque impregnation upon their cleanliness, or engaging in guilty love with teeth clenched in the agony of that sullied pleasure, or finally falling into the dreariest regions of drunkenness, through dim-lit forest where the willows dip their downwards-arching branches with a graceless fatigue; through the moss and the wetness of the color grey, that paints the sky and wipes cold, clammy fingers across their foreheads...
this is where they turn to find their refuge, after their hearts have turned inside-out from the sickness of corporeal existence, that you so thoughtlessly smeared on their bodies with ...
these are the angels you have dared pluck from the sky.
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sketches no. 40
And on and on we go, spiraling toward the inevitable. Does it not bother the common soul? That we are all mortal, and eventually will face our Maker in the valley of the shadow of death? Or, if you are not one to believe in the Maker, and instead, find yourself to be somewhat of an optimist, it might occur to you that perhaps a sudden and rudimentary nothing greets us past our halls of ivory and paths of dust that eventually billow away, trivial in the enormity of eternity. Are you frightened? Frightened, perhaps, but accepting? Accepting of the inevitable, and yet filled with regret? At times like these, ambivalence seems sweet, but we mustn’t indulge. I am not sure what faces us, near the darkness at the end of the horizon. It is most probably some form of judgment, a weighing of the life-strings that separate the thieves from the farmers, the fortunate and the opportunistic. It is, perhaps, inevitable, but to this end, I find myself unafraid, yet unable to tolerate; the futility, the failure, that last and ultimate despair. -
mather lather:
1. random sophomore tries this pickup line on me:
"what's your concentration?"
"i'm a premed"
"you sure don't look like a premed..."
2. guy in Matherhaus shirt almost snaps his head in a 360 turn trying to stare at me and then FOLLOWS me almost all the way to the yard...then tries to make contact but quickly walks away when i finally turn around and stare at him angrily
3. short football player comes up behind me and asks me "where's the party?"
i say "it's down there where the foam is"
and he says "oh no honey, it's right here where you are"
4. i finally ran into "jay chou" and asked him what his name is (it's brian, btw). and he DOESN'T KNOW who jay chou is!!!! @(#*%&@#^%(@#&%^@($&$%!!!
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